No Place Like Home

We got home Monday afternoon, a day earlier than the doctors had said I would. I've felt surprisingly good since the surgery with relatively little pain (considering) and the brain seems to be doing it's thing as it should. Despite feeling OK, I've been instructed by the doctors that it takes TIME for the brain to heal after being assaulted the way it was and I just have to be patient and not push ahead too quickly. No driving, no lifting greater than 5 lbs, etc. I'm still taking the anti-seizure meds and some steroids that help keep swelling of the brain down during healing. I've got some pain meds, too but am only using them sparingly. The first night home I slept well, the second, not so much, then last night was good. I will be off work for at least a month. So for the first few days home we've been keeping it mostly low key but getting in some picture making to take advantage of my new look. Here are Gayle's contributions:

And here are Sarah's:

Carol buzzed the rest of my hair off today, so there will be more pictures soon enough.

My favorite mother-in-law Wena arrived from L.A. yesterday to visit and help out for a few days. It's great to have her company and I know Carol appreciates the help around the house. After going through the surgery, I am very happy to see familiar faces again. They are signs that my future will soon resemble my past, which is what the ultimate outcome of this experience will be.

The Journey

It's now Thursday, one week since we started our journey to San Francisco and back to the life I had before.  We made a visit to the DeYoung Museum to see the Birth of Impressionism exhibit. It was good, I suppose, but I was a bit distracted.

Thursday evening we had a delicious mediterranean dinner with our friends and San Francisco hosts The Goloubows. Friday morning Carol and I were up at 5:00 to the rude alarm on my iPhone and waiting for the doors to open at UCSF Admissions by 6:00.

After signing the necessary forms, we were directed to Surgical Waiting from where we were immediately delivered to Pre-op. Here I donned the standard-issue patient gown and waited as patiently as possible for the doctors to arrive.

The first was an anesthesiology resident whose job it was to get the IVs in my hands and arms. Well, let's just say he needs more practice. After poking several times in one hand, he tried the other, then went back to the first. In the mean time a surgical resident showed up to discuss the surgical procedure itself. This was the first time we heard the word craniotomy. When he realized this was news to us, he went to discuss things with Dr X. About then the chief anesthesiologist showed up and got the IV in easily on his first try. He was a tall, pleasant man with (I think) a German accent. He noticed my black fingernails and when I described my use of silver nitrate for photography we started talking cameras and darkrooms - a good distraction. The surgical resident soon returned and we continued the discussion of the craniotomy. Dr X and Dr Y (my neurosurgeon and neurologist) had decided that since I seemed to be responding to the anti-siezure meds, it would be a good idea to open up part of my skull and do some electrical testing on the surface of my brain to look for seizure-type activity that did not show up on the EEG. As you would expect, the testing is much more sensitive directly on the brain than it is through a thick skull and an Afro. But, this meant I was in for a 6-hour procedure rather than a 3-hour procedure. Scary yes, but it made complete sense to me. I was soon ready for surgery and was being wheeled off to the OR. Carol and I kissed goodbye at the elevator and I was on my way. At that point, all I could think of is how hard the next six hours were going to be for her. I was just hoping I would come out the other side of the surgery OK so we would see each other again and the agony of her waiting would be over. Luckily her sister Joyce was there to keep her company. They walked, talked, drank coffee and received hourly updates from the OR.

As I arrived, the OR was a swirl of activity as all the team members were getting their stuff ready but they took a moment to greet me as I was wheeled in. They got me up on the table and the kind anesthesiologist began to slowly put me under. The last thing I remember is looking at the clock and it was shortly after 8 am. Then, seemingly immediately, I remember the breathing tube being removed as they woke me up. In my anesthetized haze it was as if no time had passed and my first questions were "what time is it?" and "how did it go?" Well it was shortly after 2:00 pm and I was told everything went very well.

I was then taken to the Neuro ICU where I was administered anti-nausea meds and some morphine by IV. They brought Carol in to see me about 2:30 and I am sure I was still too groggy to tell her how happy I was to see her. 

The anesthesia was mostly gone by about 4 and this is about when Gayle and Sarah showed up. By 5:00 I was brought some of the fine hospital cuisine and was able to keep it down without too much effort. The girls left about 7:00 to go have a fine meal at the Goloubow's. Carol and Gayle came back about 9 for another visit. This is when the last blog post was made. I dictated while Carol typed. Always teamwork!

My pathologist/photographer friend Tony showed up while the girls were gone and we had a good long talk about the past few months and what it's like to go through something like this. Tony was in a pretty bad motorcycle accident a few years back and knows as much about being a patient as he does about being a doctor. It was great to have his company throughout this process and I look forward to a visit here at home where we can make some photographs and good food together. Meet Tony (as I was being discharged on Monday):

This is Bonnie. She was one of the wonderful ICU nurses that took such great care of me Friday night. The picture was taken Sunday night after finding out I was going home on Monday and Carol and I were strolling the halls getting me some needed practice walking. All of the ICU nurses I met were fantastic, caring people with great attitudes. It made that first night so much easier than it could have been. In another strange irony, one of the ICU nurses was Scottish. When I told her I was supposed to be in Scotland on this day rather than in surgery, we had lots to talk about. She said that since I couldn't get to Scotland, they brought Scotland to me. Indeed...

Late Saturday morning I moved from the ICU to a regular room. A couple of the ICU nurses were surprised as I walked out of my room rather than riding a wheel chair. I was feeling well enough on my feet and Courtney was holding my arm, so down a couple of hallways and into room 818 for the duration. My good buddy Ron Goloubow showed up about noon and we talked and watched the World Cup match on the Spanish language station. Since it was Gayle's birthday, Carol and the girls went shopping at the nearby Galleria. It's amazing how much they can collect in just few hours. By mid-afternoon several more visitors arrived including my brother-in-law Roy who brought my mom down from Sonoma. Carol and the girls returned, loot in hand, including Gayle's roommate Molly (one of my favorite photographic subjects). Molly has a great/odd sense of humor and brought me a balloon from the gift shop that said "It's a Boy!" She always makes me laugh. Ron's wife Chris and one or more of their kids arrived as did my good friend photographer Mark Citret from Daly City. Also Lee, Carol's roommate from college who lives in Pacifica. Yeah, it was a party in Room 818. The visitors trickled out through the afternoon and Carol left about 8 as visiting hours ended.

I continued to feel OK and always answered correctly  when the nurses asked me where I was, what the date was, my name etc. I was able to get up and get around on my own and all my vital signs were good. Some time during the day a surgical resident came to see me and said I was doing so well there was a good chance I could go home on Monday, but that was ultimately up to Dr X.

Saturday night was pretty uneventful although my roommate was having a hard time, so I didn't get too much sleep. It didn't matter. I was feeling good and just kept thinking about being back in my own bed by Monday night. I continued to be surprised at how good I felt, then I would touch the row of staples holding my scalp together and it became all too real again. If you haven't clicked the link to craniotomy, basically what they did was put my skull in a clamp, make a large incision in my scalp to expose my skull, cut out a piece of my skull about 1-1/2 inches in diameter and probe the surface of my brain with electrodes. The neurologist found two places adjacent to the lesion where potential seizure activity was occurring and Dr X removed two small pieces of my temporal lobe. He then replaced the skull part, attaching it with titanium screws, and covered the pre-existing hole in my skull with titanium mesh. Then, closed the scalp with 46 staples. Just another day at work for one of the smart kids.

Sunday Carol and the girls showed up about 11 and we watched the World Cup final, again on the Spanish station, which is the best way to watch futbol. Gayle had to leave about 12:30 to go look at a potential rental house in Santa Cruz, so she missed the exciting final goooooooooooool! Most of the visitors from Saturday returned Sunday afternoon, so we moved the party down the hall to an empty waiting room. Good friends and musicians Gayle and Bob from Roseville also showed up since they had a gig that morning in San Rafael. It was great to see so many familiar faces. After the visitors left, Carol and I returned to my room. Some time late Sunday afternoon Dr X showed up. I looked at him and shaking his hand I said "my hero!" I asked him a few more details about the surgery and when would I be going home. He said that based on all the reports he read from the nurses and residents he didn't see any reason why I couldn't go home on Monday. Yes!! I was so happy/relieved I can't even tell you. I shook his hand again and thanked him sincerely for his great care. We grabbed a quick snapshot. I'm sorry it's a little fuzzy and my eyes are closed, but meet Dr X:

No matter how long I live I will never forget his face or the sound of his voice. Thank you Dr X!

So now it was just waiting time until Monday morning arrived and I could get through the discharge process. A resident came to see me early, which was a good sign since it meant my orders could be started and the process put into motion. By noon I was being wheeled out of the front doors of UCSF (ranked no. 7 of all the hospitals in the country, by the way). In what looks like a bizarre vacation photograph, here are Carol, Tony and I shortly before Carol drove the Kouklis family back to Placerville.

The Future

So, now what? Am I cured? I'm not sure is the answer to both of these questions. The next few weeks activity will be minimized to let healing take place. I will have follow up appointments with both Dr X and Dr Y. I am assuming I will stay on the anti-seizure meds until I am fully healed - perhaps 1 to 2 months. Then I will be tapered off the meds and wait to see if my symptoms return. For now, I couldn't be happier that the surgery is behind me and I feel as good as I do. There is no doubt in my mind that my journey was made easier by all of you who have written to both Carol and I expressing your love, thoughts, prayers and good Karma. I give a lot of credit to the skilled hands of Dr X, but I am also certain that there is strength in our connectedness in this world and I feel lucky to have each of you be a part of mine.

And Carol, if I didn't say it when you came into the ICU and I was still in a haze, I love you now more than ever. I am a lucky man.

A Change of Mind

It's Friday night, I'm out of surgery and in recovery in the ICU.  The doctors had more extensive plans than we'd expected and I ended up having a 6 hour procedure called a craniotomy.  They removed part of my skull, removed the lesion from the surface of my brain and then placed electrical probes on my brain to measure and look for unusual brain activity.  They found a couple places under the lesion where this unusual activity was apparent and so removed part of the temporal lobe in that area.  But its okay, I wasn't using that part anyway.  They then replaced the portion of the skull they removed and attached it with titanium screws, covered the hole with titanium mesh and sewed me back up.  We're hopeful that this testing and procedure will put an end to the symptoms I've been having for the last several months.  Sometime tomorrow I'll be moving to a regular room and I'll be here until Monday or Tuesday.  So that's it for now.  Thanks again for all the love and support from so many of you kind people.  I will never forget it and this whole experience has changed my life in significant ways.

Happy Birthdays.

Today was Carol's birthday and Saturday is Gayle's 20th. And she says that makes her feel old. Puh-leeez!!! Bad timing on my part to put a little brain surgery in between them, but so be it. Tonight we went out for sushi again at our favorite local spot to celebrate. We came home and had one last chance to relax on the deck before we head to San Francisco tomorrow. Then the mosquitoes chased us back inside... The fireworks are from July 4th, of course, but are used here in celebration of two important birthdays.

I didn't know what to get Carol for her birthday this year, and frankly, it's been hard to focus on anything other than Friday lately. So, on impulse, I got her an iPad. I blame my Apple-loving buddies for egging me on. It is a fun little indulgence and I just hope she grows to like it. If not, I guess it'll be my new iPad...

Since I've not had time or opportunity to shop for Gayle, she's going to get one of my cool old film cameras for her birthday. She's been having fun going retro this summer - vinyl records and film cameras.

These gifts that we give are fun tokens to remind us of our love and connections with those we care about. But, and I risk falling into a deep cliche, the only real gift we have to share is our time together. And you find out who loves you most and who really cares when times are hard. For me, times have never been harder than now. On one hand, I know several people who have been through much tougher challenges in their lives than mine, so I feel like I should just suck it up. On the other hand, what's coming frightens me like nothing else in my life. There, I said it. I'm fucking scared. In about 30 hours from now, somebody's going to cut open my head and try to fix what's wrong and sew me back up again. I've put my trust in people who I barely know based on their education and experience, and I can only hope that that's enough. And yes, I am fucking scared.

One of my friends told me that there are lessons to be learned from hard times, and she is right. This ordeal has definitely brought Carol and I closer together than we've been in a long time for that I am only grateful. Another friend said that it's times like this that you find our who your true friends are because they will stand beside you.  And I've discovered that I have friends standing beside me all over the world who honestly care and are sending their prayers, Karma, good thoughts and best wishes for a successful surgery and quick recovery. I am humbled every day as messages come in from  people I know well and people I haven't heard from in years. I've tried my best to thank each one of you directly, but let me say thank you again to all of you now. Believe me, it helps more than you know. As I said in my first post, I am a lucky man.

So, tomorrow afternoon we head to San Francisco where we are planning to catch the Birth of the Impressionists exhibit at the DeYoung Museum. Then we will have dinner with some great friends who have offered their home for us to stay through the duration. Carol's sister Joyce is coming up from Atascadero for some moral support in the waiting room on Friday. She will drop us off at the hospital at 6 am, then come back to keep Carol company when my procedure starts at 7:30. I should be into recovery by noon. My surgeon said that if all goes well, I should be ready to go home in  two or three days, so I hope to be back in Hangtown by Monday. 

At least that's the plan as I know it tonight. One of us will post something to the blog on Friday afternoon or evening. Perhaps Carol will do it with her new iPad.

-Kerik

Independence Day

The change in medication was a good choice, I think. The new one seems much better than the old one. I still feel a little tired, but not nearly as much as before, and it seems to be doing as good a job or better at suppressing my symptoms. Better life through chemistry! Speaking of chemistry, here is a picture Sarah made of me a few days ago. I don't really like being on this side of the camera, but I am pretty happy with this one. Thanks, Sarah!

Me

So here we are with one week to go. Time is going faster now - counting down by days instead of weeks. How different a path we're on than we had expected this year. In another of life's little ironies, our original plan for 2010 was to land in Scotland on July 9. Instead I will be having brain surgery on that very day. F-ing BRAIN SURGERY. Those are some big words. Most people get to live their whole lives without having to do it, so I guess that makes me special. Like a friend told me tonight, at least I should have a good story to tell from the experience. Now that the day is getting closer, the reality is starting to sink in... Hey, I don't even like going to the dentist and next Friday I'm going to the NEUROSURGEON.

We're going to spend the July 4th weekend at home - just relax and keep it low key. We have some friends coming by for a little BBQ on Sunday, then we'll probably head over and park the convertible near the fairgrounds to watch the fireworks. Or maybe we'll just watch them from the deck... Independence Day for me this year is July 9.

Prescription Roulette

Today is my last Friday off before surgery (my work schedule includes every other Friday off, which is great). Because I continued to have side effects from the levetiracetam, my neurologist decided to try another medication.  On Monday 6/21 I began taking carbamazepine.  So far it seems to be causing fewer side effects, although Wednesday I ended up coming home from work early because I wasn't feeling too good - more from symptoms rather than side effects, I think. Sometimes it's hard to tell them apart. Fun, huh? Apparently this is how it works with anti-seizure medication; trial and error until you find something that works and doesn't make you feel like crap.
On a brighter note, I have two photographs in the fine art exhibit at the California State Fair:

Sally

Molly

The awards ceremony is July 17th, just over a week after my surgery. Not sure if I'll be up for it by then or not. We'll see...

Today was warm, but we had lots of clouds which made for some soft, beautiful light. I broke out the 8x10 camera and the magic chemicals to make some portraits of my three favorite girls:

Carol (my hero)

Gayle (analog girl in a digital world)

Sarah (with her new hipster specs)

Unfortunately, Gayle's working at the city pool until 9 tonight, making sure none of the twerps drown. Maybe we'll go grab some sushi at our favorite local restaurant Amerikan Ichi. It's been a good day and a pretty good week.

Two weeks and counting until surgery... These last two weeks have gone pretty quickly. July 9th will be here in no time.

Happy Father's Day

Today I was treated to a delicious homemade breakfast by my girls. Scrambled eggs, bacon, pumpkin waffles and a mocha. I was also treated to very thoughtful Father's Day cards. It was a great way to start the day.

We then played it lazy for a while and watched some World Cup Soccer - Italy vs. New Zealand. It was a 1-1 tie which is essentially a win for NZ. I was feeling pretty good so we decided to go downtown and walk Main Street - a good way to spend a Sunday afternoon in our sleepy little town. Check out some antique stores - Gayle is on a vinyl records kick - and you never know when a cool, old camera will present itself, and there are always funny hats to try on. We stopped and had a little snack at a local bakery, then made a stop at the Fro-Yo place before heading back home. We topped off the day with a trip to the movie theater tonight to see Toy Story 3. Another winner for Pixar! Buzz Lightyear in Spanish mode rocks!

The Bell Tower

Gayle

Sarah

I Don't Know Who Lives Here

No, I don't Know What This Means

A Little Excitement!

As for me, the last week has been pretty good. Feeling alright in general, but still tired and a little dizzy from the levetiracetam. At least until yesterday when I felt pretty lousy for most of the day. I wrote to Dr Y (my neurologist) to update him on how I'm doing. He wrote back this morning at 8:30(!) He's pretty convinced that my previous symptoms are low-level seizures, but I may respond better to another medication (i.e. fewer side effects), so I think we're going to try something else. I'm not sure what, but I expect to find out soon. The good news is I'm another week closer to surgery which is at once a relief and frightening. As much as I want this over with, when I think about what's actually going to happen, it freaks me out. 19 days and counting...

All in all, it was a great Father's Day. Happy Father's Day to all the other fathers who may be reading this. And Happy Father's Day to my dad, who I miss dearly. This September it will be two years since he passed away.

And a big thank you to everyone who has written, both here on the blog and by email. I even got a hand-written letter from a good friend back east. I don't remember the last time that's happened. I appreciate all the positive thoughts and support. I am humbled by all the love and kindness that's been directed my way. It's a true pleasure to have so many wonderful people in my life.

It's All in My Head

First, this blog is no longer about my photography. For that, go to my website. I decided that writing about what I'm going through might help me deal with it, so I am going to use this blog for that purpose. Here is a synopsis of where I'm at:

• Around Christmas of 2009 I started having spells of lightheadedness, slight nausea and just not feeling good. After a few visits to my doctor, he couldn't find anything wrong and suggested we wait and see if it got better. It did, then it didn't.

• Finally on April 19 I had an MRI of my head at Marshall Medical near where I live. The radiologist identified "an abnormal area on the lining of my brain in the right temporal area" which is all I knew as my doctor left the next day for a couple weeks of well-deserved vacation. Holy fuck, that sounds bad, right!? Kinda looks bad, too:

• With my doctor gone, I was kind of freaked out about this finding without knowing what it meant. Luckily, I happen to have a photographer friend who is a pathologist at UC San Francisco and he offered to have some of his colleagues look at my scans and tell me what they could. He also happens to be Greek, and our people like to look out for each other, provincial lot that we are. Lucky for me, this thing in my head is not all that bad. It is a lesion, not a tumor and is not immediately life-threatening. But, the way it makes me feel has been lifestyle threatening. I've had to cancel workshop trips to Philadelphia and Montana and a big family trip with two workshops to Scotland we had planned for July. It's hard to plan anything when you don't know from day to day if you're going to feel OK or feel like crap and not want to do anything except assume the fetal position and whimper.
• After this thing was found on the MRI, the radiologist also recommended a CT scan to get a better look at the bony structure of my skull. 
• Armed with these two tests I went back to see my doctor on April 30. He said "Hmmmm... we need to deal with this and you need to see a neurosurgeon." But I don't WANT to see a neurosurgeon. That sounds too scary. And besides, we don't even have any neurosurgeons in Hangtown. While there is a good neuro group in Sacramento, my doctor said if it was HIM, he'd want to go someplace like UCSF, one of the top neuro-science institutions in the country. But, you know, it's a long drive and shit. SO WHAT?!?! WE HAVE CARS! SIGN ME UP! IF SOMEONE'S GONNA POKE AROUND IN MY HEAD, I WANT THE SMARTEST KID IN THE CLASS.

• So on May 17, the first day of my 51st year on this planet, my dear wife Carol and I made the trip to UC San Francisco to meet with my brand new neurosurgeon. Out of respect for his privacy, I will simply call him Dr X. But let me tell you, this guy has a resume that would make any Jewish mother brag until your ears bleed. Dr X tells us that the lesion doesn't seem serious - it's not a "mass" (tumor) and it may or may not be responsible for my symptoms. But, the CT scan (which shows bony structures rather than soft tissue) shows that I have a hole in my skull and the lesion is being pushed through the hole:

• Dr X says that this hole needs to be repaired and it's a fairly simply procedure (simple as far as brain surgeries go). But, first he wants me to be evaluated by neurologist to get a better handle on what may be causing my symptoms. He speculates that my "spells" may be low-level seizure activity perhaps being generated by the lesion. Also, he wants me to have an EEG and more detailed CT and MRI scans that will help him during surgery. Soooo... we schedule the tests for June 2.
• I soon find out that the neurologist assigned to my case has had a cancellation and I can get in to see him on May 25. So Carol and I make the trip back to UCSF to meet with my brand new neurologist whom I will call Dr Y. Dr Y is a specialist in the treatment of epilepsy and is a very nice guy and easy to talk to. He asks me a whole bunch of questions including the time of day I was born and whether or not I found school difficult (ummm... not until partial differential equations in college). He then discusses my symptoms with me in detail. And this is the hard part for me because my symptoms are kind of nebulous. I get lightheaded, get sort of nauseous and when it's bad, I get a weird discomfort in my chest and literally feel like I'm dying.Hard to put into words, but when it's bad, it really sucks. Well, to my surprise and relief, these are not that unusual for someone experiencing seizures. If what I'm having are seizures, they are not typical - no falling on the ground or losing motor control or losing touch with my surroundings - but they are not unheard of either. It turns out the location on the brain where this lesion is (the tip of my right temporal lobe) there isn't a whole lot going on which may be why my seizures (if that's what they are) are so nebulous. So, with seizure activity as a working hypothesis, Dr Y recommends I begin taking anti-seizure medication to see if that helps my symptoms. He prescribes levetiracetam because it is well-tolerated in many patients and it takes effect relatively quickly. 

 

• I've been on levetiracetam since 5/25. It does seem to help suppress the symptoms I was having, but, as with most medications, it causes some side effects. At first it made me quite dizzy and VERY tired. Now that I've been on it for almost three weeks, the side effects are getting better and it seems to be preventing most of the symptoms I was having. Although it hasn't been perfect. I had a pretty bad night last Wednesday and I kind of freaked out. Unfortunately, this happened in front of Sarah, and I think it scared her a bit. Luckily, Carol was there to calm me down and comfort Sarah. I've been communicating with Dr Y by email, updating him on my symptoms and side effects. He's concerned that, although the med seems to be helping, if the side effects don't go away I may need to try another medication.Meh...
• In the mean time, Carol and I made the trip back to UCSF on 6/2 for my additional tests. EEG in the morning (roughly 2 hours of flashing lights and hyperventilating while having 28 probes glued to my head and face) and CT and MRI scans in the evening. Unfortunately, I was also feeling very bad that day. Dr Y had suggested I cut back on my dosage to see if the side effects were reduced, but that seemed to bring on a bad day of symptoms. The MRI was the last event of the day at about 7:30 pm and was a real endurance test.  Thirty minutes being stuffed into a tube I barely fit into with the jackhammering sounds of  the MRI machine while trying to remain perfectly still. Not fun, but now Dr X has some awesome pictures of the inside of my head to help him do his surgical magic. We had left home at 6:30 in the morning and I was wiped out. Thankfully, Carol got us home by about 11 pm. One Long F-ing Day....
• Now I just wanted to know WHEN we'd do the surgery? Let's do this thing and get it over with! Life is marching on and I've got shit to do! Dr X had told me that he did surgeries on Fridays, so I'm hoping maybe June 11th or the 18th. I got a call from his assistant on Friday 6/4 that he wanted me to come in on 6/14 to discuss the results of my tests and what to do next. Ugh! Not til 6/14? And another 6-hour round trip? Can't we do this over the phone or on Skype or something? She says well, they don't have Skype (EVERYONE should have Skype) but she'd ask Dr X if a phone call was OK and he said sure thing. "He will call you on Monday." So, I tell her that I am gainfully employed and not home during the day, but I don't go anywhere without my trusty iPhone, so please have him call me on my cell. "No problem." Sweet!  I spent most of Monday at work staring at my iPhone waiting for it to ring. It didn't. So, I called home to check the answering machine and sure enough, Dr X had called and left a message. Sorry he missed me and he'd call again Tuesday or Wednesday. DAMMITTOHELL!!!! I call his assistant to remind her to please have Dr X call me on my cell phone. "OK, I'll make your cell phone number your default number in our system, then he is sure to use it." Sounds like a plan. Tuesday comes, I stare at phone, phone doesn't ring. You can guess the rest. Another message from the good Dr on the home answering machine. This time Carol calls the assistant. Yes, when shit needs to get done, send in the women. Now, I understand that Dr X is a top brain surgeon and my case is probably low on the priority list in terms of urgency, but it's the biggest thing in MY life right now and I really want to know what's next.
• Finally, Thursday evening about 7:30 my iPhone in the cool red case lights up and Dr X is on the other end. It is a kind and familiar voice and he apologizes for the mixups earlier in the week. First he tells me the EEG is negative, meaning it was normal and it did not detect any seizure activity. This was not unexpected and is basically an inconclusive result with respect to what is causing my symptoms. The CT and MRI were consistent with the scans I had done in April, but these were done in greater detail which would be a big help for him during surgery. He had consulted with Dr Y and they decided they'd like like me to continue on the anti-seizure meds for a few more weeks before the cutting starts, so my surgery would be delayed until early July. July 9, to be exact. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!! That's four weeks away and I really don't want to wait that long. But more time on the meds will help the neurologist evaluate what's happening and more time on the meds prior to surgery can help prevent post-surgery seizures. Apparently poking around in your head with sharp instruments can induce seizure activity. Who knew?! Yeah, the smart kids did...

So that brings things up to date as of today, June 14 - 25 days until surgery. I had a pretty good weekend. The meds are still making me tired and kind of moody, but other than that, I'm doing OK physically. Mentally, dealing with the delay of my surgery is tough. I really want to get this over with and waiting four weeks is not going to be fun. 

On a brighter note, Gayle came home for the summer on Saturday, so it's really nice to have the whole family together again. Right now my favorite thing to do is lay on a chaise lounge out on the deck in the early evening hanging out with my three girls talking, laughing, web surfing and listening to some good music.When this whole thing started, I kept thinking (selfishly) this isn't fair! why is this happening to me?! how can my luck be so BAD?!? Relaxing on the deck, surrounded by my beautiful and amazing daughters Gayle and Sarah and the best partner in life I could ever hope for in Carol I realize just how lucky I am.